CHOOSE A BETTER DAY
When my son, Dominic, was four years old, I surprised him one afternoon with a trip to Kings Island, our local amusement park. I didn’t tell him where we were going until we got there, and as we walked into the colorful and joyful park, he looked up at me with bright eyes and a big smile and said, “This is the Mom I never knew.”
I couldn’t help but laugh, and I also couldn’t help feeling a simultaneous mix of joy and guilt.
What kind of Mom do you know? I thought to myself. Whatever he knew, I knew that it wasn’t the kind of Mom who had fun as a default mode. I was often caught up in doing the right thing, checking the right boxes, and sticking to the right schedule. No and not now were words I uttered dozens of times a day. I definitely wasn’t someone whose son had experienced lots of spontaneous trips to places beyond Kroger and Target.
This tiny bright-eyed moment that I shared with Dominic on a random day over 18 years ago has become an important one to me. I’ll never forget the excitement in his eyes and his little voice as he looked straight into my eyes and uttered that simple phrase – the mom I never knew.
Out of the thousands of moments I’ve had with my kids, this one continues to remind me that at any time, I can change the story, flip the script, and be a person that others never knew existed. In fact, at any time, I can choose to be a person that I myself never knew existed.
That amusement park memory serves as an endless and exciting invitation to grow, morph, reimagine, repurpose, and re-engage, even when things are uncertain, challenging, and difficult (pandemic year included).
…
I’ve spent most of my adult life figuring out ways to resist a tendency to get stuck in negative emotions – stress, anxiety, self-doubt, fear – the list goes on. And as much as it appears that I’m super-positive, I need you to know that this isn’t a natural tendency for me.
Because all of my work revolves around teaching people to work and live well, this admission may come with the danger of being called a fraud, but I believe it’s quite the opposite. Who better to encourage and challenge others to choose a better day than someone who has to intentionally choose her own better day, again and again and again?
As my feet hit the floor and my legs wobble me to the coffee maker each morning, I often feel uncertain, a bit anxious, and lost in thought – for no reason. Reflexive overthinking is just how I’m built, and now that I recognize and acknowledge that, it’s much easier to let the thoughts run their course. I try not to get too attached to any of them, and I definitely don’t believe them as much as I used to. There was a time when I 100% believed all of the thoughts that sprang from the endless well in my head. It was miserable. Now I know that I can push back and mentally articulate, This is not a credible source of info. Nice try, but I’m not going there. It is in those initial moments that I’m already choosing a better day.
After over a decade of practicing choosing a better day, facing setbacks, re-learning, practicing again, and writing about these things in the Journey to the Brightside essays this year, I’m more convinced than ever that in order to move the needle on experiencing more daily joy, meaning, and satisfaction, I have to take full responsibility for my own life and actions. No one and nothing outside of me will ever be able to provide lasting peace and happiness. It has to come from getting my internal settings right. No amount of validation, support, or praise matters if I don’t get the internal settings right. No amount of money, career status, or success matters if I don’t get the internal settings right. And — big note here — worry, self-criticism, and fear DO NOT help you to get the internal settings right.
The only way I’ve discovered to get my internal settings right is TO DO things in my day-to-day that create an optimal internal setting FOR ME. Your daily practices have to be right FOR YOU.
Some of mine are illustrated below.
It’s not about making sure to hit all six in one day — it’s about working to live a life that’s in alignment with these things. I want these six things to guide my choices and serve as measuring sticks for creating a life of meaning. They are the things I’ve written about in earlier Journey to the Brightside essays, and they are the things I will continue to explore in my life and in my work. These six practices have helped me to stay sane in 2020, and I know with any consistency they’ll allow me to reclaim my mojo in 2021: )
When my internal settings are right, I’m able to experience more joy, more light-heartedness, more fun, more laughter, more light, and more love (love for others and love for myself). And I know for sure that all six are enhanced by my faith and my belief that there is a force for good who is helping me along the way.
But the greatest lesson of all out of the weird, and in some ways wonderful, year known as 2020 has to be #6 on my Live Well Framework - learning how to BMOF (BE MY OWN FRIEND). Giving myself grace, caring for my needs, and treating myself with the same kindness I show others is not a betrayal or a selfish act. Being able to slow down and internalize this has been one of the best lessons of this year and one of the things I’ll take with me moving forward. BMOF allows me to generate the energy I need to stay mentally well and share the best of myself with my family, my friends, and the world.
If you make only one change next year, I hope it’s to continue being, or begin to be, a better friend to yourself.
Happy New Year – I appreciate you!
Light & Love to you and yours,
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